Thou Shalt Not Steal!.....LeBron(If that is your Real Name?)

You shall not steal. Seems pretty simply doesn't it?

Luckily in an attempt to make this a non-religion specific piece I did a little homework. I found out that whether you’re Jewish, Roman Catholic, Protestant Christian, Orthodox, or Islamic somewhere roughly around your 7th or 8th commandment it’s in there, a line that says not to take other people’s stuff.

Now let me be straight with you, I didn’t read Exodus, Deuteronomy for the Ten Commandments. I didn’t attempt to learn Hebrew to read the Ten Statements of Judaism or delve neck deep into Al-Mumtahanah 60: 12 to get the exact wording of the Islamic faith when it comes to there position on stealing.

But I did do a little digging to find out what I could. If I have misrepresented someones beliefs I apologize I just thought that, well you know for everyones differences, this is one area we could find some common ground on for a minute or two.

Now why does this matter you ask? Why is it that The Captain needs the support of so many that he has tried to reach out across these lines to bring us together for one goal, one cause?

No I am not working on world peace. Although I am pretty cocky, heck even a little bit arrogant, I am going to leave that to the experts. (so called. Although if this piece goes well who knows where I’ll go next.)

No, I’ve done this because HE must stopped, he of the superstar status so large that I, one man can’t take him on myself. I know, I know what you’re saying, if the Captain can’t stop him what chance do I have? Individually, none. But collectively that’s why we must band together. For a common purpose, a common theme.

This is my open letter to the world, and I emplore you to support me in what I see as blatant disregard for the simple rules, and standards that you and I live by each day. So hear goes.

To: All those affect or offended,

I ask that you respond by signing below with your thoughts, feelings, or comments on the situation in question.

Before I go too far, I feel that we are partially responsible for leading him in the wrong direction. I feel that it is partially our fault that he has been allowed to think his behaviour is acceptable. First I blame the NBA. I blame them for having a statistical category called Steals. I feel that they as well as baseball should reconsider naming it something less offensive to the community at large. (Borrows might be better term. I mean he is going to give it back, and Rickey Henderson was only on that base temporarily.)

He has for his career 784 steals, or 1.8 steals per game. For every single one of them we have risen from our seat in anticipation of the fast break (or gateaway as I prefer to call it) that will follow. So energized by his ability to get away with these crimes has he been, that in the 2008-2009 NBA season that number has risen to 1.9 steals per game. But he can be saved, he’s only 24 years old.

Unfortunately there are signs that it may already be too late. He has committed two other robberies that are both more offensively singularly than each of his 784 steals combined.

First he stole Michael Jordan’s number #23. A man that made the number so famous on occasion we called him buy it. Too be that good, to be that recognizable you have to refine that game. The only other player I know of that was that good and does not have his number retired in a league wide fashion was No. 4 in black and gold. Bobby Orr had revolutionized the game during his time, a single player that like Jordan was so dominate that the game was different when he left it. If LeBron is going to be the greatest ever I’d sure love to be able to debate it without confusing my 23’s. He wants to be the greatest, then cut your own path, where your own number, be your own man. I mean there is only 99 others to chose from.

The second offense is even more aggregious to me. Mean the guy has to wear a number and he stole Jordan’s #23. Alright I get there was only 99 others to choose from and you had to steal(pick) the one that belonged to MJ. (not saying I agree with it, or that it is right. It’s strike one in my book.) But then following that up by ripping Garnett’s chalk routine? I mean seriously King James (If that is your real name. Pretty sure that’s stolen too.) instead of realizing that KG has cornered the market on awesome chalk antics and you should just wipes off your hands and be on your way you had to rip that off too? Shame on Nike as well for supporting this thievery and promoting a commerical that sweeps years of Minnesota Timberwolves history under the rug like so chalk dust on an NBA court.

It’s three strikes and your out LBJ. What’s next are you going to tell Ben Wallace it’s ok to steal Dikembe Mutombo’s finger wave.

Do we need to see this scene on sports center?

“I didn’t even know someone else did that? LeBron told me he invented it special for me.” Said a distraught Wallace upon finding out Mutombo had been using the celebration for years.

Or maybe every time you make a game winning basket you can run out and pose at center court, arms out, head back like T.O. on the Dallas Star? Maybe you can steal the old Temu Selanne celebration by whipping your headband in the air and shooting it from the sky like a dying duck?

Please don’t LeBron, please I emlpore you to change your ways. Get on the straight and narrow while you still can. I’d hate to see such a promising young future ruined by a life of crime.

Best Wishes,
The Captain